We are back at it again with another Conduct List matter, which may be helpful or inspiring for those of us with children. In this letter, I intend to build upon what I have already laid out in “Conduct: Ten Items for our Children.” If you have not read that then give it a whirl and you will have a better understanding of what I am after here. So here we go:

We as parents have to be careful. For a child who is being raised by disciples, there is so much correction and engagement. There is so much always being built, so much fire always being brought to our little ones.

It is essential that we provide them with a break from any and all “action” whenever it is needed and to be able to do this immediately (referring to 1 Peter 1:13 and others). Without them, our kids will be totally exasperated, discouraged, and overwhelmed. They will flame out and it will destroy what we were building with them. God is always good to us in giving us time to repent or time to come to understanding. He is always providing us “times of refreshing” (Acts 3:19), making us lie down in “green pastures,” and leading us beside “quiet waters” (Psalm 23:2). We have to provide the same for our children and even more so because they can't handle as much as we can.

In the previous list, I shared that I often smile at Makenzie to let her know that she is not in trouble and should have confidence in whatever she is doing at the time.

Similarly, and going further, I have a word that I use with Makenzie that she is fond of and that absolutely disarms all tension or doubt or stress and ushers us into a very light and easy conversation. It doesn't matter if we were in the middle of addressing the most important thing on earth, she is immediately put at ease and knows that all “action” and engagement has stopped and we are now in green pastures.

For her it is when I say the word, “Silly.” It means so much to her. I usually say, “You're so silly?” and I do it in a funny voice and we take some time to laugh together about some things and do some other silly things. It offers us the opportunity to take a complete and total break from whatever we were dealing with or going after or talking about and be funny for however long we desire. I could then decide if I am going to put whatever I was building on hold for minutes, days, weeks, months, or years as determined by the Spirit.

I pull this (word/phrase) trump card out whenever necessary. It lightens the situation, eases the engagement of her and gets her laughing. In that, while I am saying it and acting funny, the Spirit that leads me is making calculations on many things like, “Can we continue?” “How much can she handle?” “Where is her spirit at?” “How long shall I be silly for?” “How far shall we take the silliness, the jokes, the acting?” It goes on and on.

Of course, the Spirit decides the answers to these questions in microseconds; you all know my brain, right? I wouldn't be able to do it.

You don't have to do anything like this at all, or use the same word or phrase at all. I am just offering you what I have received from God, which enables me to build well.

I often tell Makenzie that she is the best, and she knows it, but it doesn't accomplish what I am after here. For her, it is our whacked out “silly time” that does. For you it may be something way different.